E10 Fabric Creatives and the Art of Saying NO
The VirginiaLeighStudio Home page:
https://www.virginialeighstudio.com
Ever found yourself knee-deep in a project you wish you’d never started? Staring at the fabric, the thread, the half-finished piece, thinking, Why did I say yes to this?
Yeah. Been there.
Saying "no" can be one of the hardest things for creative people.
We love what we do, and when someone wants our help—or offers to pay us for our skills—it feels almost wrong to turn them down.
But here’s the truth: The word NO is one of the most powerful tools in your creative arsenal.
Today, we’re talking about why saying no is essential—how it protects your time, energy, and sanity. We’re going to break down why we struggle with it, how to overcome the guilt, and, most importantly, how to say no without feeling like a terrible person.
And trust me, I’ve learned this lesson the hard way.
I actually wrote a letter to myself during one of the hardest creative projects I’ve ever taken on. It wasn’t just a stressful project—it was one of those I’m crying at 3 AM, exhausted, and barely functioning kind of project.
The letter starts like this:
"Here I am again, in tears, wanting desperately to go to sleep, but I can’t. I feel empty, depleted, and so damn tired. When you saw the idea Virginia, you knew it was huge—too big to fit into the time they wanted. But you told yourself you needed the money. You’re taking vacation days to make it happen; you’re not taking care of the house or the pets; you’re barely getting four hours of sleep… for weeks on end."
It goes on and, toward the end of the letter, I remind myself:
"I do not have to take on any work that does not make my heart sing. I must enjoy the creative experience, or it is not for me. I will ask myself first, ‘Is this something worth losing sleep over?’ I will only take on work that makes me feel inspired. I will take care of me first—physically, mentally, emotionally, creatively, spiritually, financially."
And you know what? That was the moment I realized: I was done.
Done with underpricing. Done with saying yes to projects that drained me. Done with sacrificing myself for the sake of "just one more job."
So today, we’re getting into why saying no is not a bad thing—in fact, it’s one of the best things you can do for your creative career.
Saying “yes” to every project that comes your way might feel like the right move—especially when you're trying to build a name for yourself. But let’s talk about what it actually costs you when you say yes to the wrong projects.
First, let’s talk about custom work versus off-the-shelf.
Custom work is inherently more valuable. Period. It requires expertise, time, and attention to detail that mass-produced goods don’t. It’s unique, tailored, and made-to-order.
That means it demands a premium price. And yet, time and time again, fabric and fiber creatives undercharge for their work.
Why? Because we’re used to valuing materials, but not labor.
Think about it—when you sew something for yourself, sure, you save some money over retail, but only because you don’t pay yourself for labor. You're doing it for the joy of making, for the satisfaction of having something one-of-a-kind.
But here’s the problem: People who don’t sew don’t understand that.
They assume that if the materials cost $40, you should only charge them a little more than that. They forget—or don’t realize—that the skill, experience, and hours that go into creating something custom are the real value.
And this isn’t just a sewing problem. I see it every single day in my online business.
I can’t tell you how many times someone has said to me, “You know, I can find all this information on YouTube.”
And you know what I say to them? Well then that might be the best option for you.
Because here’s the reality: I’m not just selling information. I’m selling clarity, structure, guidance, and expertise. I’m selling the ability to cull down the mountain of information into only the bits you need to know and the expertise to know how to knit it together. And people who recognize the value of that? They’re happy to pay for it.
The same goes for your work. You’re not just selling fabric stitched together. You’re selling your skill, your time, your expertise, your creative vision. You’re selling the years and years of practice it took for you to become skilled enough to make it look that good!
When you say yes to projects that undervalue your time and skill, you reinforce the idea that custom work isn’t worth much. And worse? You burn yourself out on work you don’t even enjoy.
Here’s the truth: Not every customer is the right customer for you. Some people genuinely appreciate and respect custom work and will pay accordingly. Others want custom pieces at bargain-bin rates. You’re not obligated to serve them and you’re not obligated to convince them.
Your time, energy, and talent are not limitless. Saying no to underpriced, draining, or misaligned projects protects your ability to say yes to the right ones.
Now, I know that can feel scary. You might be wondering, “But what if I need the money? What if I get a bad reputation for saying no?”
This is fear talking, and there is some interesting psychology behind it.
So, why is saying no so hard?
It’s not just about turning down a project. There’s a lot of stuff going on inside your head—fear, guilt, and the pressure to be accommodating. Let’s break it down.
This first one is a big one. “I need the money.” This is the fear of financial instability.
I’ve been there. Maybe you have too. When money is tight, saying no to any kind of paid work feels impossible. You think, I’ll just push through—it’s temporary.
And sometimes? That’s absolutely the right choice. Survival comes first. I’m not here to tell you to turn down money when you genuinely need it.
But here’s what I will tell you: If you’re taking a project purely for the paycheck, be intentional about it.
Before saying yes, ask yourself:
Do I really need this income, or am I operating from fear?
Is this the best way to make the money I need?
How can I structure this so it’s less stressful for me?
The truth is, taking on the wrong work out of desperation can actually cost you money in the long run—especially if it drains your energy, eats up your time, and prevents you from working on better opportunities.
If you do decide to take the project, set clear boundaries. Schedule enough time so you’re not pulling all-nighters, price it properly so you’re not undervaluing yourself, and remind yourself: This is temporary. I’m doing this to get through this moment, not as my long-term strategy.
The next trick our mind pulls on us is this one:
“What if they think I’m ungrateful? What if they badmouth me?”(all for saying NO)
Saying no doesn’t mean you’re rejecting them—you’re simply recognizing that the project isn’t the right fit. And that’s a sign of professionalism, not selfishness.
A great way to soften the NO? Offer alternative solutions.
You don’t have to know for sure if someone else can take the job—just having a referral list of sewists, crafters, or guilds to suggest makes it clear that you’re still trying to help. You’re not leaving them high and dry—you’re just making sure they find the right person for the job.
A simple way to frame this is:
"I so appreciate you thinking of me for this project. Right now, my schedule is full, and I wouldn’t be able to give it the attention it deserves. But I’d be happy to recommend a few other talented makers who may be available.”
This keeps your reputation intact while still protecting your time and energy.
Maybe you’re a people pleaser..
So many of us—especially women—are conditioned to be agreeable, accommodating, and nice. We feel this obligation to make everyone happy, even at our own expense.
I used to take on every project that came my way because a friend told a friend… and I didn’t want that first friend to think I was ungrateful.
But here’s what happens when you agree to things that don’t align with your skills or interests:
You end up stressed and overwhelmed.
You resent the project, and often the friend that sent it your way….
You feel uninspired, and it shows in the final result.
I’ve done projects where the design was just… awful. Overcomplicated, unattractive, impractical. But the client wanted all the details, and I felt like I had to say yes.
And at the end? I wasn’t proud of the work. I struggled to even put my name on it.
Over time, I learned that I don’t have to accept every invitation to work. If a project doesn’t excite me, that’s a sign. And saying no, in the right way, isn’t burning bridges—it’s building a business that aligns with what I actually want to create.
“But what if I say no and never get another opportunity?”
You know what this is called? FOMO – fear of missing out!
This is one of the hardest mindsets to change—but one of the most powerful.
Saying no to the wrong projects makes space for the right ones.
When I first started saying no to work that didn’t excite me, I was scared. What if nothing else comes along?
But the opposite happened. Suddenly, I had more mental bandwidth to see, recognize and pursue opportunities that I actually wanted.
If you’re overwhelmed with work, how can you possibly notice a perfect opportunity when it arrives? If your calendar is booked with projects that drain you, where is the space for something better?
A balanced creative life means recognizing when your schedule is full and accepting only the things that match your skills, interests, and availability.
A great trick? When someone presents you with an opportunity, ask yourself:
If I saw this on my calendar three months from now, would I be excited or dreading it?
If it’s dread? That’s your answer.
You are allowed to set boundaries. You are allowed to be selective. And most importantly? You don’t have to justify it.
Now Saying no is one thing—saying it gracefully is another. Let’s walk through how to say no without guilt, fear, or awkwardness… and how to do it in a way that actually strengthens your business relationships instead of hurting them.
Because I get it—saying no can feel uncomfortable. You might worry about disappointing someone, missing an opportunity, or coming across as difficult. But here’s the thing: Saying no isn’t about shutting doors. It’s about protecting your time, energy, and creativity so you can say yes to the right things.
So, let’s start with some practical ways to say no—gracefully and professionally.
Sometimes, the hardest part of saying no is just… figuring out how to phrase it. So, here are some easy scripts you can use:
“Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m unable to take this on right now.”
“I appreciate the opportunity, but my current commitments won’t allow me to give this project the attention it deserves.”
“That’s not something I specialize in, but I can recommend someone who does.”
These work when you know for sure that you don’t want to take the project on—whether it’s not the right fit, the timeline is unrealistic, or you simply don’t enjoy that type of work.
But what if you do want the project, just not right now? In that case, try this:
“I’d love to work on this, but my schedule is full until [date]. If you’re able to wait, I’d be happy to take it on then.”
This does two things:
1. It gives the client a clear understanding of your availability.
2. It puts the decision back on them—if they can wait, great. If they can’t, they’ll need to find someone else.
The key here is clarity and confidence. You don’t have to explain yourself in detail or apologize. A simple, firm, yet kind response is all you need.
One of the best ways to avoid awkward “no” situations is to Set boundaries upfront.
Here’s something I live by: ( I don’t say it out loud to people but…)
“Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”
I’ll say that again, with a little twist:
“Poor planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”
And yet… how many times have we been asked to drop everything and make magic happen at the last minute?
I’ve had clients come to me way too late in the game, desperate to have something finished by an unrealistic deadline. And early in my career? I used to take those projects. I’d work through the night, rearrange my life, stress myself out—just to make it happen.
Not anymore.
As a responsible business owner, I have to be realistic about my time. If someone needs a custom project, I let them know upfront what my turnaround time is. If they waited too long? That’s on them, not me.
You can also set boundaries by:
Establishing office hours or specific days for custom work.
Clearly communicating turnaround times before taking on a project.
Charging a rush fee for last-minute requests-ONLY if you truly want to and can, make it happen. (this alone filters out unrealistic demands).
When you have these boundaries in place, saying no becomes a lot easier—because you’re simply enforcing the rules you’ve already set.
Let’s talk about guilt, because it’s the number one reason so many creatives struggle to say no.
We feel like we should be grateful for every opportunity. We worry about being seen as difficult or unhelpful. We don’t want to disappoint people.
But here’s what I want you to remember:
Every time you say yes to something that doesn’t serve you, you’re actually saying NO to the things that do.
I learned this the hard way. Early on, I took on everything. And when I say everything—I mean EVERYTHING. If a friend told a friend I sewed, I’d get a call asking if I could whip up a dress, a slipcover, a Halloween costume, a set of curtains—didn’t matter if I enjoyed it or not, I felt like I had to say yes.
Fast forward to today, and I have an entirely different approach.
Whenever I finish a project, I document everything—not just the technical details, but my emotional state.
Did I enjoy the project?
Was the client easy to work with?
Was the pay worth the time and effort?
Would I do this again?
If a project leaves me drained, frustrated, or resentful—it goes in my “never again” file. And over time, I’ve gotten really good at recognizing before I say yes whether something belongs there.
You can do the same. Keep track of how projects make you feel, and use that knowledge to guide your decisions moving forward.
Here’s one more simple, game-changing habit:
Before saying yes to anything—pause.
You don’t have to respond immediately.
When someone asks you to take on a project, build in some buffer time before answering. That could be an hour, a day, or even a few days—whatever gives you space to think clearly.
Ask yourself:
Does this project align with my goals?
Will this bring me joy or growth?
Am I saying yes because I actually want to… or because I feel guilty?
If you feel any hesitation, that’s your gut telling you something. Listen to it.
Personally, I always do a consultation first—whether that’s a quick email back-and-forth or a full sit-down meeting. Not only does this prevent misunderstandings, but it gives me time to check in with myself before making a decision.
When you give yourself permission to pause, you make deliberate choices instead of snap decisions based on fear.
Because at the end of the day? Saying no isn’t about rejection. It’s about making room for what truly matters.
So, we’ve talked about why saying no is hard, how to do it, and how to make peace with it. But now, let’s get into the real benefits—why saying no is actually one of the smartest moves you can make for your creative business.
Because here’s the thing: Every “no” creates space for a better “yes.”
When you stop saying yes out of obligation, fear, or guilt, you start making decisions that align with what you actually want. And when that happens, a lot of things start shifting in your favor.
First, you have More Time for What You Love
Saying no isn’t just about turning down work—it’s about creating space for the projects, clients, and opportunities that truly excite you.
Think about it: Every time you take on a project you don’t love, that’s time you could have spent working on something you do love.
I talked about this back in Episode 9, when we discussed balancing a creative life. It’s easy to let client work or side projects eat up all your time—until suddenly, you have zero room left for the creative work that actually brings you joy.
And here’s the ironic part: The work you love the most is usually the work you do the best.
When you make space for passion projects, personal creativity, or business ideas that genuinely light you up, your quality of work skyrockets—and that leads us right into the next benefit.
Second, you Increase Quality and Creativity
I want you to imagine two creative businesses:
One takes every custom order, every client request, and every project that comes their way—whether they love it or not. They’re always rushed, overwhelmed, and struggling to keep up. The work gets done, but… it’s not their best. The stress shows in the final product. And their relationship with their clients seems strained.
The other is selective. They take on only the projects that align with their style, skills, and business goals. They have the time and energy to pour their full creative effort into every piece. The results? High-quality, original, and in-demand. They are happier, smiling and have a great relationship among themselves and with their clients.
Now ask yourself: Which one do you want to be?
Because here’s the truth—quality clients are just as important as quality work.
When you start saying no to projects that don’t fit, something shifts. You attract better clients. The kind of clients who respect your time, pay what you’re worth, and value the expertise you bring to the table are worth their weight in gold.
The opposite is also true. People who don’t respect you? They will never respect your work, no matter how much you bend over backward for them.
That’s why being selective isn’t just about protecting your time—it’s about protecting your reputation.
Because at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself:
Do I want to be known for mass-producing mediocre work?
Or do I want to be known for creating high-quality, thoughtful pieces that people actually love?
Are you running a Walmart, where the goal is to pump out as much as possible, as fast as possible?
Or are you building something boutique, intentional, and valuable?
Neither is right or wrong—it depends on what you want. But if you’re someone who values quality, creativity, and sustainability, then saying no to the wrong projects is what allows you to do that
Third, and it’s no small matter, is The Financial Upside
Here’s where things get even more interesting: Saying no strategically can actually make you more money.
I know it sounds counterintuitive. But stick with me.
When you focus on fewer, higher-value projects, you can charge more per project.
When you’re not constantly burnt out, you have the time and energy to take on better opportunities.
When you deliver exceptional work, your reputation grows—and with that, the value of what you do increases.
The problem is, a lot of creatives don’t think long-term. They say yes to everything because they’re worried about making enough money right now—without realizing that burnout is actually losing them money in the long run.
Remember, saying no is not about rejecting opportunities; it’s about choosing the right ones. Practice saying no to one thing that doesn’t serve your creative goals this week.
So, here’s a little exercise:
Next time you’re in the middle of a project you regret taking, write yourself a letter.
Yep. Sit down, open a document or grab a notebook, and pour out exactly what you’re feeling.
How does this project make you feel?
Are you enjoying it, or are you counting down the days until it’s over?
Would you take on a similar project again, knowing what you know now?
List what you truly value and what you want yourself to remember for your business, your health and your sanity.
Then, the next time you’re tempted to say yes out of fear, guilt, or obligation—go back and read that letter.
Because here’s the hard truth: Short-term financial gain isn’t always worth the long-term emotional and creative cost.
Your time, your energy, and your creative spirit are valuable.
And the more you recognize that, the easier it becomes to say no to what drains you—and yes to what truly fuels your passion. Every ‘no’ is a ‘yes’ to the creative life you truly want!
Connect with Virginia:
Website = https://www.virginialeighstudio.com
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Facebook = https://www.facebook.com/virginialeighstudio
The Sew Successful Workshop:
https://www.virginialeighstudio.com/sewsuccessfulworkshop
